My day 

We take colored pencils

Color in between the lines

And outside too

Different shades of orange hitting

Books, line, squiggles, this is hard 

Anxiety 

Relief

We color our worlds in the process

As if we were colorless

We listen 

To music and sing 

And hug and 

We don’t finish coloring, we 

Talk and 

Color

Be petty 

We color and mix 

Cheese popcorn with smarties

Puff from electronic cigarettes

Apple flavor

We pick up blue colored pencils

Hit the books again 

Prank calls and missed men 

We change voices and continue to color

But wonder, 

“Why do people still answer an unknown call the second time?”

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Please don’t tell anyone about this 

I don’t tell anyone that I turn on Quran in the car because it helps me feel less alone 

Less able to think, less able to feel 

I don’t tell anyone that I hold on to the last words as the reciter is nearing the end of the Surah 

Before I start to tear

And recite to God to reaffirm me

Whoever told you healing was good was lying 

It’s painful, it’s clutch my heart in one hand, hijab in the other 

It’s begging for healthy healing, it’s god please let this time be healthy healing

I am too concentrated on my prayer that I miss the car coming toward me 

I steer fast 

The Quran starts again 

“what does this mean, God?”

This too shall pass 

Broken vases, forced marriages, cuts, head on cement, stands of hair on the floor, this is not how mothers act,

This too shall pass

10 missed calls, “you are good for nothing”, regrets, relationships, I didn’t mean it, you did, 

This too shall pass

He left you on read, postponed so many times, one hour meetings, your worth, your self, dismissiveness, capability of being loved,

This too shall pass 

Disappearing, social media, time, space, healing, love, floating, how far am I? 

This too shall pass

Agreements, he’s not seeing anyone, you keep giving, he keeps taking, he’s gone, someone else’s arms, I didn’t love him anyway, 

This too shall pass

The pain sticks forever 

I continue to bury myself in old 

memories. 

thoughts. 

words. 

she said this. it hurt. a lot. the past is a difficult pill to swallow. I still have the scars. And yet I wonder. why can’t I move forward.

always floating.

always questioning. 

why? Let it go. it’s hard.

God. help me see happiness at a distance. if only for a few minutes. remind me I’m human.